Rambly thoughts on baby #2

Two posts in one day? What is this nonsense?

Well, since I was already in the updating mood, and I had a little bit of news, I figured why the heck not? If I wait until tomorrow, I might not feel like it anymore, and then the idea would be lost forever.

I’ve got all the pages for my home organization binder printed, copied, and laminated. I hope to do a full entry on just that sometime soon. Maybe when I get them in the binder and organized as I use them? We will see.

I also wanted to share some happy news:

I had my 20 week ultrasound scan yesterday and everything indicates baby #2 is doing just fine. The heart, brains and innards looked healthy and appeared to be working normally. Baby was rather uncooperative in other regards, and so we were unable to get a nice profile view of the head. Instead, we got a front view of baby opening it’s mouth and scratching it’s face in all it’s weird, skull-y looking goodness. With Kostya we were able to see his adorable button nose and enormous lips, but not so with this one. It shall all be a surprise!

Baby also initially did not seem inclined to let us see the naughty bits, but after I walked around for a while and went back for another check, we were able to see that it was indeed another little boy. My husband and I are overjoyed. Not that we would have been sad over a little girl, but in our mind’s eye we just always pictured two little boys first off. Kostya and this one have been named for years already, long before James and I even got married. After this one, we don’t have any more ideas, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it (we do have a girl name picked out, so if we get a #3 and it’s a girl, she is already named as well). I don’t have a nickname picked out for #2, but I’m working on one so I can refer to him by that in this blog.

Something I’m relearning this time around is how to handle people’s reactions to pregnancy news and some of our choices. Once again, it has become so apparent that there is nothing we can do that everyone will know will like or agree with. I know this is the case with everything, but with this, it feels especially personal, and sometimes hurtful. This is my baby, so when someone scowls when we tell them the name we’ve picked out, or makes a comment about being disappointed with the gender (or even that we’ve decided to find out), it does hurt a little bit. This child isn’t for you, or even for us. He is who he is already. His gender is something so completely out of my control, and it’s not something I would change if I could. I might have felt the teeniest bit of what could hardly be considered disappointment when I learned I wouldn’t be buying adorable dresses yet, but that’s nothing.

I have  been utterly shocked and rendered speechless at some of the offhanded things people have already said. I know people don’t mean it maliciously in any sort of way at all, but it can sometimes sting. At the post office, once of the clerks asked if I knew what the gender was, and at the time I didn’t know. He said “I bet you want a girl, right? Since you’ve already got a boy.” I said that no, not really. I wanted a baby (although a velociraptor might be cool, but he didn’t get the joke). He seemed so surprised when I told him it didn’t matter, and that a boy would actually be a lot more convenient since we’ve already got everything. He was even more shocked when I told him we had no intention of stopping at two children, as though I was nuts for even considering more. Why would  I want to stop? I love this. I love momming. It almost brings me to tears to think that someone else would think that’s best for our family. I know difficult times are coming, and that nothing is guaranteed, but I’m not going to step in and end the growth of our family just to ward that off. My babies are wonderful gifts, whether I get to meet them here or not.

I think another thing that makes me sad is the almost impression of this baby, since we now know it’s a boy, as a “second choice”, because he’s a boy just like his big brother. All of his cousins are boys as well. Sure, a little girl would have been fun and new, but this little boy already means so much to me and my little family. The idea of his being not the first choice for anyone else hurts pretty deeply.

I know that’s reading pretty deep into things that probably aren’t even there. I just wish people would be a little more considerate when they said things like that. Just be happy. He’s a person, and he’s healthy to boot! What more does one need to celebrate? And if he wasn’t healthy? We should still celebrate, because he’s a person and he’s ours and we love him. He is half me and half James and yet entirely his own unique, unrepeatable human person, created in a completely new likeness of God and it’s so stinking amazing and I’m so lucky to be his mother.

Oh goodness. I went on for quite a while. Blame the pregnancy hormones, or the fact that I’m on cloud nine after spending the first half of this pregnancy worried out of my mind. 😀

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One thought on “Rambly thoughts on baby #2

  1. So wait, if you have a girl next time you will hear OFTEN “oh, now you can stop!” GRRRR
    Or my all time favorite “you know how that happens, right?” Uhhh, yeah and I LIKE IT.

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